TW Jackson, The Magic Of Making Up

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The First Phase Of A Bad Breakup

Most bad breakups will follow three general phases, each leading to progressively worse behavior which compounds your problems.

The first phase of a bad breakup is difficult to understand. It goes against your common sense and ultimate desire to save your relationship.

When you take a step back and analyze this phase you can see why your ex has pushed you further away.

Phase One: The Arguing

Most don't even realize they're arguing. You're trying to solve your problems after all and reach a compromise. How can that be arguing? You have to take a broader view of the scenario and take your specific actions within the context of the breakup.

The very act of trying to save the relationship is a form of arguing. Your ex has made a decision to end the relationship and you're telling them "no, I don't want this to happen." That's a form of arguing, even if it doesn't feel like it.

You have to accept that you aren't going to change your ex's mind in the initial stages of a breakup. It just doesn't happen very often.

In the movies, it happens all the time. You tell them how much you need them -- give me one more chance, etc. Works in the movies, but not in real life.

You have to accept the breakup and take a step back. When you convince your ex the argument is over, you can start talking without hostility. That's when you begin to reconcile.

Unfortunately, most breakups leave the first phase when the ex decides they've had enough arguing and cut off communication. If you can beat them to the punch and end the arguing before they get more upset, you'll be one step closer to getting back together.

The full version of the Magic Of Making Up shows you how to deal with this phase by eliminating confrontation with the "opening letter".

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