How To Break The Cycle Of A Recurring Fight
Here's a common scenario:
There's a hot button issue. Let's say it's spending too much time away from each other. Maybe you work or live at great distances. Maybe one of you enjoys spending time out with friends.
Whatever the reason is, it creates tension that grows into an issue. The more it happens the larger the problem becomes. What was once an inconvenience is now the source of multiple fights.
You both think you're right. The recurring fight has been going on for weeks and months. To the point that even the mention of it results in a massive fight.
What started as a minor annoyance has resulted in the end of your relationship. You're separated and can't talk about the problem because it ALWAYS leads to a massive fight.
If you can't talk about it -- You can't fix it.
So what do you do, right?
Here's what's going on. After a huge fight, you replay the fight over and over. You relive that fight every time you think about it. Every time you talk to your friends about it.
And you realize things you should have said to prove your point. Things that, next time, you WILL say to prove your point.
You're ready for the fight. You actually want it to happen, so you can get in there and prove how wrong they are. It's just human nature. It's how we are. We want to be right.
It also creates a massive problem. Solving relationship problems isn't about being right or wrong. The goal is always to discuss the problem and reach a mutual agreement. But how can you ever reach an agreement when you're both primed for a fight?
You have to take the initiative and tell them -- we're NOT going to fight about this anymore. You can't come right out and directly say that.
When you say -- I don't want to fight -- directly, it sounds insinscere. It sounds like you give up, and just don't want to talk about it anymore, which isn't true.
You want to talk about it, you just don't want to fight.
The opening letter helps you convey this message in a subtle but effective way. It gets rid of all that tension. Tells them, I don't want to fight anymore. Sometimes that's all it takes.
You put it in their mind that the next time this subject comes up there won't be a heated argument. That's exactly what you want.
You want to stop fighting and start talking. That's what The Magic Of Making Up can help you do.